How to speak so that people want to listen 😫
The human voice, it's [] the instrument we all play. It's the most powerful sound in the world probablly ,probably. anyone It's the only one that can start a war or say 'I love you'. And yet many people has experienced have the experience that when they speak people don't listen to them. And Why is that? How can we speak powerfully to make change in the world?
TIP
The human voice: It's the instrument we all play. It's the most powerful sound in the world, probably. It's the only one that can start a war or say "I love you." And yet many people have the experience that when they speak, people don't listen to them. And why is that? How can we speak powerfully to make change in the world?
What I'd like to suggest is there are a number of habbits habits that we need to move away from. I've [] assembled for your pleasure here seven deadly things sins of speaking. I'm not pretending to list this [] egonous this is an exhaustive list. But the these seven I think ,are pretty large , the habbits habits that we can not all fall into.
TIP
What I'd like to suggest, there are a number of habits that we need to move away from. I've assembled for your pleasure here seven deadly sins of speaking. I'm not pretending this is an exhaustive list, but these seven, I think, are pretty large habits that we can all fall into.
First, gossip. Speaking ill on someone of somebody who is not present, not a nice habit. And We know perfectly a well the person gossiping five minutes later will be gossiping about us.
TIP
First, gossip. Speaking ill of somebody who's not present. Not a nice habit, and we know perfectly well the person gossiping, five minutes later, will be gossiping about us.
Second, judging. We know people who are like in this this in conversation are very , and it's very hard to listen to somebody if you know that you are being judged and found [] wanting at the same time.
TIP
Second, judging. We know people who are like this in conversation, and it's very hard to listen to somebody if you know that you're being judged and found wanting at the same time.
Third, neggativity negativity. You can fall into this, my mother in the last year years of her life became very very negativity negative. And It's hard to listen. I remember one day, I said to her. "It's October the first(10.1) today." And she said "I know, is isn't it [] dreadful ?"
It's hard to listen when somebody is that negative.
TIP
Third, negativity. You can fall into this. My mother, in the last years of her life, became very negative, and it's hard to listen. I remember one day, I said to her, "It's October 1 today," and she said, "I know, isn't it dreadful?"
It's hard to listen when somebody's that negative.
And another form of negativity, complaining. Well, this is the national art of the UK. It's a our national [] sport. We can complain about the weather, about sport, about policy politics, about everything. But actually complain complaining is [] viral misery. It's not bring spreading sunshine and light lightness in the world.
TIP
And another form of negativity, complaining. Well, this is the national art of the U.K. It's our national sport. We complain about the weather, sport, about politics, about everything, but actually, complaining is viral misery. It's not spreading sunshine and lightness in the world.
Excuses.
We are might 've all met this guy, maybe we are all being 've all been this guy. Some people have a [] [] blamethrower. They just pass it on to everybody else, and don't take the responsibility for the action their actions. So and again, it's hard to listen to somebody who is being like that.
TIP
Excuses.
We've all met this guy. Maybe we've all been this guy. Some people have a blamethrower. They just pass it on to everybody else and don't take responsibility for their actions, and again, hard to listen to somebody who is being like that.
[] Penultimate, the six sixth of the seven . And [], []. embroidery, exaggeration. [] is a It demeans our language actually sometimes. For example, if I see something is really that really is awesome. What would do I call it?
TIP
Penultimate, the sixth of the seven, embroidery, exaggeration. It demeans our language, actually, sometimes. For example, if I see something that really is awesome, what do I call it?
And then, of course, [] this exaggeration becomes lying out of lying, and we don't want to listen to people when we know they are lying to us.
TIP
And then, of course, this exaggeration becomes lying, and we don't want to listen to people we know are lying to us.
And finally, [] dogmatism. The confusion of affects facts with [] opinions. When those two things get conflited conflated, you listen to are listening into the wind when . You know, somebody is [] with your opionons. So bombarding you with their opinions as if they were true. It's difficult to listen to that.
TIP
And finally, dogmatism. The confusion of facts with opinions. When those two things get conflated, you're listening into the wind. You know, somebody is bombarding you with their opinions as if they were true. It's difficult to listen to that.
So here they are, seven deadly signs sins of speaking. These thing are things I think we need to avoid. But is there a positive way to think about this? Yes, there is . I'd like to suggest that there are four really powerful [] cornerstones, foundations, that we can stand on, if we want our speach speech to be powerful and to make change in the world. Fortunally Fortunately these [] words things spell a word, the word is HAIL, and it has a great defination definition as well. I'm not talking about the stuff of [] that falls from the sky and hits you on the head. I'm talking about this defination definition too, great or claim things. to greet or acclaim enthusiastically, which is how I think how word our words will be received, if we understand stand on these four things.
TIP
So here they are, seven deadly sins of speaking. These are things I think we need to avoid. But is there a positive way to think about this? Yes, there is. I'd like to suggest that there are four really powerful cornerstones, foundations, that we can stand on if we want our speech to be powerful and to make change in the world. Fortunately, these things spell a word. The word is "hail," and it has a great definition as well. I'm not talking about the stuff that falls from the sky and hits you on the head. I'm talking about this definition, to greet or acclaim enthusiastically, which is how I think our words will be received if we stand on these four things.
So what do they stand for? [] See if you can guess. The 'h', honest honesty, of course, be true and be [] clear being true in what you say, being straight and clear. The 'a' is [] authenticity, just being yourself, a friend of mine described it as standing in your own truth which I think it's is a lovely way to put it. The 'i' is [] integrity, being in your word, actually doing what you say, and being some somebody people can trust. And the 'l' is love, I don't mean romantic love, but I do mean wishing people well, for two reasons. First of all I think absolute honesty may not be we won't [] what we want. I mean, my goodness, you look urgly ugly this morning. Um, perhaps, but that's not neccesary necessary. [] Tempered with love, of course, honesty is a great thing. But also, if you're really wishing somebody well, it's very hard to judge them at the same time. I'm not even sure you can do these those two things [] simultaneously. So hail.
TIP
So what do they stand for? See if you can guess. The H, honesty, of course, being true in what you say, being straight and clear. The A is authenticity, just being yourself. A friend of mine described it as standing in your own truth, which I think is a lovely way to put it. The I is integrity, being your word, actually doing what you say, and being somebody people can trust. And the L is love. I don't mean romantic love, but I do mean wishing people well, for two reasons. First of all, I think absolute honesty may not be what we want. I mean, my goodness, you look ugly this morning. Perhaps that's not necessary. Tempered with love, of course, honesty is a great thing. But also, if you're really wishing somebody well, it's very hard to judge them at the same time. I'm not even sure you can do those two things simultaneously. So hail.
Also, and now that's what you say the side , and it's like the old song , it is what you say , it is also the way that you say it. You have an amazing tone box toolbox. It's an [] [] This instrument is incredible, and yes, the two boxes people to open yet this is a toolbox that very few people have ever opened . Let's have your [] there with just pull your [] out. You may like to play with, which [] are speaking. I'd like to have a little rummage in there with you now and just pull a few tools out that you might like to take away and play with, which will increase the power of your speaking.
TIP
Also, now that's what you say, and it's like the old song, it is what you say, it's also the way that you say it. You have an amazing toolbox. This instrument is incredible, and yet this is a toolbox that very few people have ever opened. I'd like to have a little rummage in there with you now and just pull a few tools out that you might like to take away and play with, which will increase the power of your speaking.
Register, for example. Now, for a setter of falsetto register may not be very useful most of the time. But there is a register in between, I'm not got going to get very technical about this for any of you who are voice coaches. you can locate your voice however. So I took talk up here in my nose here you can hear the different difference. if I go down here in my throat which is where most of us speak through from most of the time. But if you want to wait weight, you need to go down here to the chest. You hear the difference. We vote for politisions politicians with a lower voice voices. It's true. Because we associate depth with power and with [] authority. That's register.
TIP
Register, for example. Now, falsetto register may not be very useful most of the time, but there's a register in between. I'm not going to get very technical about this for any of you who are voice coaches. You can locate your voice, however. So if I talk up here in my nose, you can hear the difference. If I go down here in my throat, which is where most of us speak from most of the time. But if you want weight, you need to go down here to the chest. You hear the difference? We vote for politicians with lower voices, it's true, because we associate depth with power and with authority. That's register.
Then we have [] timbre. It's see the way we all fails your voice feels. Again the research shows that we prefer the voice voices which is are rich, smooth, warm, like hot chocolate. [] it's Well if that's not you. That's not the end of the world, because you can train. Go and get a voice coach. And a there are amazing thing things you can do , you [] with [] breathing with posture, and with exercises to prove improve the temper timbre of your voice.
TIP
Then we have timbre. It's the way your voice feels. Again, the research shows that we prefer voices which are rich, smooth, warm, like hot chocolate. Well if that's not you, that's not the end of the world, because you can train. Go and get a voice coach. And there are amazing things you can do with breathing, with posture, and with exercises to improve the timbre of your voice.
Then, [] prosody. I love [] prosody. This is the thing songs sing-song matter language the meta-language that we use into part in order to impart meaning . it's root one for meaning in conversation. People who speak all on one note are very really quite hard to listen to, if they don't have any positive prosody at all. That's where the way of words word [] monotonic comes from [] , or monotonous, monotone. Also we have repative [] repetitive prosody now coming in where every sentence sounds like ends as if it were a question when it's actually not a question at , it's a statement.
TIP
Then prosody. I love prosody. This is the sing-song, the meta-language that we use in order to impart meaning. It's root one for meaning in conversation. People who speak all on one note are really quite hard to listen to if they don't have any prosody at all. That's where the word "monotonic" comes from, or monotonous, monotone. Also, we have repetitive prosody now coming in, where every sentence ends as if it were a question when it's actually not a question, it's a statement?
And if you repeat that one over and over, it's actually restreat restricting your ability to communicate through prosody which I think it's is a shame. So let's try to and break a that habit.
TIP
And if you repeat that one, it's actually restricting your ability to communicate through prosody, which I think is a shame, so let's try and break that habit.
Pace.
I can get very very excited by saying something very very really quickly or I can slow right down to [] emphasize. And at the end of that of course is our old friend silence. It's There's nothing wrong with a bit of silence in a talk, is there? . And talk with that, we don't have to fill arms and us it with ums (um s) and ahs (ah s) . It can be very powerful.
TIP
Pace.
I can get very excited by saying something really quickly, or I can slow right down to emphasize, and at the end of that, of course, is our old friend silence. There's nothing wrong with a bit of silence in a talk, is there? We don't have to fill it with ums and ahs. It can be very powerful.
Of course, [] offen it pitch often goes along with pace [] to indicate arousal , so but you can just go do it just with [] pitch. Where did you leave my keys? Where did you leave my keys? So [] the slightly different meaning of in those two deliveries.
TIP
Of course, pitch often goes along with pace to indicate arousal, but you can do it just with pitch. Where did you leave my keys? (Higher pitch) Where did you leave my keys? So, slightly different meaning in those two deliveries.
And finally, volume. I can get really excited by [] using volume. Sorry about that by [] , if I startled anybody. Or, I can have you really pay attention to get by getting very quite. Some people brocast broadcast the whole time. Try not to do that. That's so sort casting called sodcasting.
[] Imposing your sound on people around you carelesslly carelessly and inconsiderily inconsiderately. Not nice.
TIP
And finally, volume. (Loud) I can get really excited by using volume. Sorry about that, if I startled anybody. Or, I can have you really pay attention by getting very quiet. Some people broadcast the whole time. Try not to do that. That's called sodcasting,
Imposing your sound on people around you carelessly and inconsiderately. Not nice.
Of course, where is this all comes out into play most of all is when you've got something really important to do it. It Might be standing at on a stage like this and giving a talk to people. It might be proposing to be marriage, asking for a raise, or a wedding speech, whatever it is. If it's really important, you [] owe it to yourself to look at these this toolbox and the engin of engine that it's get going to work on and then the engin of itno engine works well to be without being warmed up. Warm up your voice.
TIP
Of course, where this all comes into play most of all is when you've got something really important to do. It might be standing on a stage like this and giving a talk to people. It might be proposing marriage, asking for a raise, a wedding speech. Whatever it is, if it's really important, you owe it to yourself to look at this toolbox and the engine that it's going to work on, and no engine works well without being warmed up. Warm up your voice.
Actually let me show you how to do that. Would you all like to stand up for a moment? I'm gonna show you the six vocal warm upwarm-up excersises exercises that I do before every talk I ever do. Anytime Any time you are going to talk anybody important, do this these. First, arms up, deep breathing breath in and sin sigh out 'ah' like that. One more time, ah, very good. Now we are going to warm up our lips and we are going to [] go 'Ba', very good. And now, 'bu', just like when you were a kid. Now your lips should be coming alive, we are going to do the tougue tongue next with a [] [] exaggerated 'la', beautiful, you are getting really good at this. And then roll and up an R, 'r', that's like the shanpin in champagne for the tongue. Finally, we and if I can only do one, the process we can pros call it [] this the siren. it's really good. We start at It starts with 'we' and goes to "aw." the 'we' is high and the 'we' 'aw' is low. So we you go, 'wei..'.
Fintastic, give some yourselves a round of applause, have a sit Take a seat, thank you.
Next time you speak, do those in advance.
TIP
Actually, let me show you how to do that. Would you all like to stand up for a moment? I'm going to show you the six vocal warm-up exercises that I do before every talk I ever do. Any time you're going to talk to anybody important, do these. First, arms up, deep breath in, and sigh out, ahhhhh, like that. One more time. Ahhhh, very good. Now we're going to warm up our lips, and we're going to go Ba, Ba, Ba, Ba, Ba, Ba, Ba, Ba. Very good. And now, brrrrrrrrrr, just like when you were a kid. Brrrr. Now your lips should be coming alive. We're going to do the tongue next with exaggerated la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. Beautiful. You're getting really good at this. And then, roll an R. Rrrrrrr. That's like champagne for the tongue. Finally, and if I can only do one, the pros call this the siren. It's really good. It starts with "we" and goes to "aw." The "we" is high, the "aw" is low. So you go, weeeaawww, weeeaawww.
Fantastic. Give yourselves a round of applause. Take a seat, thank you.
Next time you speak, do those in advance.
Now, let me just put the thin this in context to close. This is a serious point here. This is where we are now, right? We speak not very well into to people who simply are not listening and envionment in an environment that's all about noice [] noise and bad acoustics. I have talked about that on this stage in different faces phases. What would the world be like, if we would speak were speaking powerfully to people who are listening [] consciously in the [] environments which were actually fate to fit for purpose . All ? Or to make that big a bit larger, what would the world be like if we were creating sound [] consciously and [] the consuming sound [] consciously and designing all [] [] our environments consciously for sound. That would be a world that does sound beautiful. And when we aren't one where understanding , what would the normal norm and that is the an idea I'm worth spreading.
Thank you.
TIP
Now let me just put this in context to close. This is a serious point here. This is where we are now, right? We speak not very well to people who simply aren't listening in an environment that's all about noise and bad acoustics. I have talked about that on this stage in different phases. What would the world be like if we were speaking powerfully to people who were listening consciously in environments which were actually fit for purpose? Or to make that a bit larger, what would the world be like if we were creating sound consciously and consuming sound consciously and designing all our environments consciously for sound? That would be a world that does sound beautiful, and one where understanding would be the norm, and that is an idea worth spreading.
Thank you.